Howdy from the HOT Arizona Desert!
How hot is it you ask? Well a dear friend of mine, Loretta, recently sent this little list to me in an email, and it so perfectly explains what we deal with here in the summer. I thought you'd all get a giggle out of it.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM AZ WHEN...
You can say Hohokam and no one thinks you're making it up.
You no longer associate rivers or bridges with water.
You know that a "swamp cooler" is not a happy hour drink.
You can contemplate a high temperature of 120 degrees as "not all that bad, after all it's a dry heat."
You have learned to expertly maneuver your vehicle under any traffic conditions using only two fingers; a skill usually learned initially in July.
You know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.
You have to run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so that you can use your fireplace.
The water coming from the "cold" tap is hotter than that from the hot" tap.
You can correctly pronounce the following words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San Xavier del Bac", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", "Tlaquepacque", and "Ajo".
It's noon on a weekday in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one single person is moving on the streets.
Hot air balloons can't fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
You buy salsa by the gallon.
Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.
Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 9:00
You realize Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain..."
You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.
You know that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You know that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You have to explain to out-of-staters why there is no daylight savings time
When someone asks how far you live from a location, it's always in terms of minutes, not miles.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
This is all pretty much true, so lighten up all you folks back east, we have our fair share of yuk weather.